Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
