honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
