My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
