sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
