You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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