question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
