You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
