Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
