she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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