I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
