Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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