I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
