walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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