This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
