did you get engaged???
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
