I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
