I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
