He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
