I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
