Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
