he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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