I accidentally had phone sex last night
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
