Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
