Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
