I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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