my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
