shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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