We're facebook friends in real life
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
