your thong is hanging out like whoa
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
