ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Randomize
