Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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