She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
