I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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