I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
