I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
