you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
