the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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