ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
