just come out here and I will go home with you...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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