just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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