It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
