Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
