My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
