doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
