I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
