Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
