I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
