Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
