i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
