If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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