Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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