I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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